Life in Retrospect

There's so many things vying for my attention these days, it's quite a feat to juggle them all.

And you know what? I drop things. A lot. 

Because if I'm doing amazing with something, that means I'm probably neglecting myself. There's no way to do it all. "It All" is too much for any single person.

Today we did a major family grocery trip. It needed done. The kids enjoyed it, at least, so it also counts toward spending time together as a family. Which is important.

Also managed to write a chapter. Was hoping for two. Still hoping for two, but we'll see how that goes. Need to calm down first.

Because I also dropped stuff. 4yo has developed a habit of needling into me, and it's a lot. I get snappy. And then I tried to talk about it to my husband, and ended up snapping at him because every time he tries to share his personal experiences with me when I am upset, I take it as him trying to tell me he has it worse, or I'm not doing enough. 

This is a me thing, more than a him thing. Could he word things better? Sure. In a perfect world, we all could. 

But he's not trying to upset me. I have a very thin skin when it comes to that sort of conversation, because my mother did always tell me she had it worse, or it was my fault. So I approach the conversation with that mentality already. And if you're looking for something... Well, it's easy to find things you assume are already there. Human brains are wired to find patterns, even when there are none, and mine is wired to assume the people I turn to for help are trying to belittle me.

I've worked through a lot of things, from my childhood. I'll work through this one, too. 

But this one's going to be a doozy.